If you have all the time, resources, and skills in the world, what would you want to be in the future? This was what my editors at the Flame, the official student publication of the University of Santo Tomas (UST) Faculty of Arts and Letters, asked me one night over dinner years ago. “I want to be a lawyer,” I said. At that time, I was not sure why; what I was sure of was that it felt right to become one.
After graduating with a journalism degree in 2018, I worked at the Philippine Daily Inquirer. After two years, I decided to enter law school.
My friends who were already law students briefed me on what I should expect: stress, anxiety, sleepless nights, loads of materials to study, and humbling experiences, such as being humiliated during class recitation and getting an exam score that screams mediocre. Still, I was eager to study law.
And as the world grappled with the Covid-19 pandemic in 2020, I began attending virtual classes at the UST Faculty of Civil Law’s Section 1B, with people whom I would cherish throughout my law school journey.
Baptism of fire
Our batch in law school was the first to conduct online classes, at least for the first two years. Both students and professors were visibly adjusting to the new learning setup. There were instances when one’s audio, camera, or computer device was not working properly, resulting in class interruptions. Preparation for classes gradually meant not only studying the voluminous materials assigned, but also ensuring that one has a stable internet connection.
For the 22-year-old Mikkah, freshman year in law school was a baptism of fire. I remember being overwhelmed by the number of cases that we had to study during our first week, to the point that one night, while I was washing the dishes, I cried because I despaired at completing the assigned readings in time for our next class. It also fully dawned on me that my law school life has officially started, and that, having chosen this path, I should endure and persevere.
Recitations were nerve-wracking even until my senior year. Despite studying before classes, most of the time I felt like I was fighting a war I could never win. Thus, every recitation day I prayed, “Thy will be done.”
I also wrestled with each case. Back then, it took me an hour to read a seven-page case, and another hour or two to make a digest of it. I had difficulty identifying the essential facts and issues of a case—the usual details asked by our professors—because to a beginner like me, every detail seemed important.
Freshman year ended with my block mates and I seeing each other only virtually. Occasionally I wondered how things could have been if we were physically together.
Meditation, adjustment
Sophomore year came and the number of cases to study and recitations to prepare for continued to overwhelm me. I was still my anxious self, but thankfully, I discovered a yoga and meditation channel on YouTube—Yoga with Adriene. Its videos helped me calm my mind.
I also got to know my block mates better. I slowly got used to the difficulties of law school, and found peace in the fact that I was going through a tough journey, but with the right people. I recall saying that I was willing to have terror law professors and awful class schedules as long as I was with my block.
But as if trying to teach me to step out of my comfort zone, junior year was marked by section shuffling. I was among the students transferred to another section under the school’s orders. It was heartbreaking at first, but as the saying goes, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” The section shuffling strengthened my relationship with my original block mates, and allowed me to learn from new people in my new block.
A year of learning
Senior year saw more difficulties for me, the beginning of face-to-face classes, and a Mikkah who was feeling already worn out by then. It was a hard year filled with days of doubting my capabilities, and of striving to get by.
But now that I am seeing past these things, my senior year—as I would like to best remember it—was a year of learning, a period in my journey when I felt like actually learning about life, and knowing myself better.
Perhaps it helped that I embarked on daily journaling in that year. I was able to process my feelings and reflect on the events happening around me. I discovered emotions I never thought existed, and realized how much I had grown as a person since I entered law school.
I remember a conversation with a friend while we were leaving the university after an evening class. We talked about what we wanted to be at that moment. I said I just wanted to be a good person, or someone who, despite all the setbacks in life he or she has suffered and all the problems he or she is facing, always tries to be kind to others and understanding of their situation.
Senior year, moreover, was the year I finally realized why I wanted to be a lawyer: I wanted to be in a position to protect and provide for my brother, Dominic, who has autism. He was born when I was in high school, and since then he has become my favorite person in the world. As his elder sister, I wanted to support his needs and dreams.
Senior year, lastly, witnessed my reunion with my friends from my original block: now attorneys Abigail Garcia, Izel Tan, and Joy Asuelo. The four of us supported one another throughout our last year in law school, eating meals after classes, and sending encouraging messages from time to time.
Bar preparation
Weeks before our law school graduation last June 14, I enrolled in a review center. I started on the review materials for remedial law, but I was not absorbing anything. My mind and body were in unison in wanting to take a break from studying law.
In July I was able to regain my determination. I studied for an average of four hours almost every day until the last day of the Bar exams (some days I was deep in study for six to seven hours).
I was generally calm during my Bar review. I was unable to follow the review center’s study schedule, but I was able to finish the review materials that covered almost all the points in each Bar subject’s syllabus. Once I was done with my primary review materials, I began to read the other materials available to supplement my knowledge.
The exception to my general composure during the Bar review was seen on days when I lost confidence in myself, days when I wanted to give up, and days when my body demanded rest. There were times when I broke down under all the emotions I was bottling up, and blamed myself for wanting to go through hell.
Exam day
On the morning of Sept. 7, the day before the start of the Bar examinations, I was surprisingly calm. Through journaling and continued meditation, I was able to condition my mind that all is well, and that the Lord is always with me. But come evening of the same day, anxiety crept in. As a result, I slept for only two hours.
On the first day of the Bar examinations, I left my dormitory nervous but returned in good spirits. I knew that until the very last minute of the first-day exams, I did my best at answering the questions and I regretted nothing. But I was clearly exhausted physically and mentally. The following rest day, I slept for 13 hours then went on to study again. By the time I took the second- and third-day exams on Sept. 11 and 15, respectively, I felt drained.
I particularly remember the night before the last day of the Bar exams. I bawled and surrendered everything to God. I did not know what to do anymore. I was beset by panic. I felt like I was not good enough to pass the Bar. I had no sleep at all, yet was unable to finish my last-minute review materials.
But the Lord has His way of amazing us. On the third-day exams, the issues I was no longer able to review for were not raised! I left the testing center smiling, relieved that the grueling exam days were over.
Waiting for results
For the most part of the three-month waiting period for the Bar results, I was, again, calm. I caught up on my sleep and spent time with my family. I became anxious only when the Supreme Court announced the date for the release of the results: Dec. 13.
On the day itself I purposely avoided watching the Supreme Court’s livestream of the announcement of the results. Instead, I went to church, watched a movie at the cinema, and just waited for my loved ones to let me know how I fared. I was restless deep inside. But then my parents called and told me that I had passed the Bar. Oh, God, it became the best day of my year!
It has been more than a week since I heard the happy results. My heart still flutters when people call me “Attorney Mikkah Factor.” I still can’t believe that I made it.
I thank my family—my father Emerito, my mother Sheila, my sister Queenie, and my brother Dominic—my friends, and everyone who supported me throughout my law school journey. I could not have done it without their undying love, patience, and understanding.
Now I hope for four things: to gain experience in the legal field and develop my skills in litigation; to give back to my family, friends, and community in every way possible; to become a good lawyer, one who has integrity and compassion, especially for the vulnerable sectors of our society; and, most importantly, as I once wished when I was still in law school, to become a good person.
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